Neil Young: I did not have sexual relations with that woman (joni mitchell)
Graham Nash: I did. In a tree house. (also a true story)
Tarantula-Sexual Purchase questions:
So because of xmas and xjob and xsavings i have some xtra money? Not really but kind of. I'm still saving up for a NEW ROOF which is the most boring thing I'm doing in my life and trust me, i am doing MANY boring things.
My question to you.... what should be my big next purchase? I know we've played this game before but i didn't like the answer you gave me you stupid slut. Close the following: your legs, mouth, bank account, heart, mind, front door... you're letting all the cold air in/out. (in/out. like a penis!!!! haha i'm a Workmom with the brain of a 13 year old boy.)
Q: What did the mid-20s gay hippy say to the mid-40s hockey Workmom?
A: It's not your jokes that are offensive, it's your lack of originality and thought that offends me, as a comedian.
1. A car/truck/station wagon. Some sort of vehicle. I don't know how much the insurance would be, though. Ugh, we've been through this so many times. I'm indecisive/unable to make decisions on my own. Donna Dependent over here!
2. A bunch of books i've been saving on Amazon in my shopping cart. Archie Meets Kiss, Bernard Jensen's Guide to Better Bowel Care, and The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography. (also....if those three books are on your list, i'll move to another city and live with you xXxforeverxXx
3. A sauna? For real how badass would that be if i had a fucking sauna in my backyard. like just a tiny one, but still. So many health benefits to sweating your brains out. I would get the benefits of sweating, without the MUSCLE WASTING DEMONIC SHAMANIC RITUAL OF "CARDIO"
(When i picture the sauna, i mostly picture hotboxing it with my friends/gay hippy harem, and maybe during the fall
4. Smoked salmon every week? Just... increase my food budget so I can buy more/variety of things? Loreal: Because You're worth it. I'm worth it? Loreal Kids: Because We're Worth It, Too!
(coming up: Which Loreal Kid Are You? Take the quiz!)
5. Pet tarantula? I find spiders totes adorbs. And if you know me you know i have never used the phrase "totes adorbs" until just this second and i'm dry heaving a littleHUMMANNHGH
7 comments:
okay so only one of those things is legitimate. A CAR! but also sort of increasing your grocery budget is an option. maybe even just by $20 per week?
the books ...i mean ..maybe...but can't you just get them at the Library?
Sauna? what? just have a hot shower. or use the one at the pool?
pet spider. yeah right. no. start with a goldfish.
a car is an option but is a lot more money then any of the other things you have listed and also don't you drive your parents for free dollars?
my insurance is about $130 a month, for comparison...(they still think I live in Lindsay)
Travel?
Personal stylist date you've talked about on here, lets make that happen.
Personal Trainer?
call me, maybe?
LADY TIGRESS AND THE ADVENTURE OF THE SPIDAH CAVE!
Fade in: LADY TIGRESS sweats peacefully in their private sauna. An alarm sounds and a small red light on the wall of the sauna blinks desperately. Through a speaker located below the blinking light comes a message.
"LADY TIGRESS! KING TINA J. BORTION HATH SENT FORTH THEIR GIANT SPIDAH ARMY TO DESTROY OUR ALLIES THE SALMON SATANISTS TO THE EAST!"
LADY TIGRESS jumps to their feet and uses their whole arm to wipe the sweat from their face fiercely.
"Not on my watch!"
The door of the sauna bursts open revealing a fully dressed and armed LADY TIGRESS standing confidently in the doorway; their arms on their hips.
"Veronica, get. my. STATION WAGON!"
Zoom in on LADY TIGRESS' face as they glare vengefully into the camera.
Fade out.
Eryn:
Car: most legitimate, i know my insurance will be below 200. So after the roof, i'll save up for that.
Books: i actually did find one of them at the library. because yeah, whenever i buy books, I just.... end up forgetting i own them.
Sauna: yeah, i don't even use one now.... this is a joke one.
Spider: i'm just gonna build a spider sanctuary in my back yard and keep the native species safe!
the What Not To Wear is going to happen... beginning of summer? mid-summer? I dunno.... when I can bench press my body weight? Finish operation AHAP. so many feelings. i need you to make a spread sheet of my feelings.
Vincent:
i'm saying this without an ounce of sarcasm, it truly makes me sad you don't make more art.
Maybe you should fund the making of the film that Vincent has outlined above.
.....maybe make it into a graphic novel/comic? Also, vincent i thought we agreed it's Lady Tigress And The Coconut Candy Shack
LADY TIGRESS CAN DO AND BE WHATEVER THEY WANT!
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